Tag Archives: email

Matchbooks: the economy’s downfall. **UPDATED 3/10/14**

Am I a raving lunatic?
No. I wouldn’t say lunatic exactly…
I just like things the way I like them. Back in high school when I was going through my anorexic-goth-drinking-moving-out-at-17 finding myself phase, one of my counselors diagnosed me with a touch of OCD. (I’m not quite sure how one only acquires a touch & not full blown-I mean, it is OCD you know-but that’s what she said.) So I blame my nit-pickiness on that, my Mom (just because she’s passed doesn’t mean her faults disappeared, I’m slowly discovering) & the anxiety disorder I believe I’ve picked up from the last year (waking up repeatedly night after night, heart racing, filled with worry & dread? And that’s just for starters? Oh yea, that qualifies as something).

Sometimes it’s a good thing, and sometimes…when I have extra time…it can be annoying. Like today, for example. C is notorious for stealing my lighter (or anyone’s, really, that is laying around) so I try to keep some matches handy because unfortunately our finger tips don’t produce fire. Therefore I count on them to work when I go to use them. I prefer the strong, big, box matches (or the mini version) over those suck-ass flimsy paper matches. C came Home with 2 heaping handfuls of the sucky ones the other day, because CVS decided to quit selling cigarettes like douches. So now not only do I have suck-ass matches but I have a lot of ’em. Ugh.

A funny thing about me is that when I go to use something, I expect it to work. Whether it’s a washing machine, or fish tank, or game controller…or a match. We smoke outside (see-we do love our kids!) & it’s been cold recently, so I don’t particularly enjoy standing around shivering while trying to light a cigarette. (I know, I know: you’re all “Well then quit smoking dumb ass” & I’m all “But I can’t”) What makes this situation even worse is when the match won’t strike. What. The. Hell. Twisting it, turning it, trying different spots on the little runway: nothing. Meanwhile, all lighters in the land have been lighter-napped to C’s pocket & he’s not nearby. So you don’t keel over from boredom I’ll get on with it; suffice it to say I finally managed to get a little  flame but had to hold it on the matchhead so I also got a little burn & then had to fight off the wind so it didn’t blow my little flame out. What a pain in my ass!

I'm glad they appreciate me & all...

Probably can't tell from the photo, but barely any scratchy striker strip!
Match heads appear fine.

Needless to say it got me thinking about products and how much products have gone down in quality & up in expense; it got me thinking about how people could help this situation if they’d take the time to tell the companies. I’m not saying jump on the ‘puter & start sending stalker-ish hate emails to Old Navy or Del Monte…but if enough people have the same issues, the companies would notice & (hopefully) do something to improve. People have no idea how much power they really have, if we banded together.

But I digress. Back to matches. I’m figuring that the company figured out the least amount of striking strip that they could get away with using, and have the matches still work. More cost effective, right? But the thing is…it doesn’t work (I’ve tested this multiple times, I didn’t just have 1 failure, I had a failure every time) so, in my way of thinking, it makes the company look bad to me & I damn sure won’t buy/get their brand in the future.

But what if they don’t know?? So, I take the time to email the companies. Because I want better products. And I’m neurotic like that.

PS…still waiting to hear back from the Wright brand bacon masters. You know, the ones who charge $8 per pack but it was justifiable because it’s so effing delicious but the last few packs I’ve gotten have been FAT & I’m not paying out the wazoo for fat. (Shew…breath.) So, we’ll see what happens with that.

PPS…I tried several times to upload this with pictures but for some reason it kept giving me errors; therefore I am planning on deleting all pictures & attempting to upload yet again. It was just matches & bacon, who hasn’t seen matches & bacon before? (Except I was surprised & impressed at my camera’s rare ability to get some good close ups of the matches! Dammit.) **3/11/14: I’m a persistent brat…finally got them to upload!**

PPPS…I don’t know why but I thought some may want to read my helpful email to the matchbook company, so here it is verbatim (minus my full name & address):

Subject: Constructive criticism from a consumer

I’m writing to let you know about a situation I encountered when using your product recently. I’m a firm believer that if people aren’t aware of a problem then they can’t fix it, so I like to give companies a chance to make it right & be aware that there are issues.

My husband recently brought home 2 handfuls of your matches; CVS was apparently off-loading them onto people since they’re going “tobacco free”. When I went to use one it wouldn’t strike/light. It was a brand new book, so the strip wasn’t all used up & full of bare spots. Try after try finally produced a flame & I figured “Meh, shit happens.” But then I tried again a little later (I’m a smoker, not burning down my neighborhood. Just wanted to clarify.) and had the same problem, different results. This time I got burnt because I had to hold the match by the head in order to get it to light. I’ll make it & everything, but it sucks AND if I was an idiot I could probably try to sue you (you know, how people try to sue McDonald’s for *hot* coffee?)!

So not only does this issue affect your product’s quality reputation, but it also opens you up to liability for losers looking for a quick buck. Now, I think we can all agree that the little books of matches are no match (pun intended!) for their big, boxed counterpart. However they should still work 88% of the time. My sense, not being in the match business, is that the striking strip needs more striking power. I don’t know what it’s made out of-glitter, sand, red clay dirt-but the matches seem to have enough “stuff” on their head to produce a sufficient flame, whereas the striking strip looks like someone just took a brown marker & swiped it across there. Hardly any texture, thick is the complete opposite of it…I don’t know if putting as little as possible on there is a cost effective move but as far as being a consumer of them goes…it sucks. And burns.

In closing, please know that I’m not bashing your product…I’m offering constructive criticism. Also, I probably veered off track too many times to warrant being taken seriously so please know that I’m a real person & this is a real issue, not some silly joke. Thank you for your attention!


PS…please overlook any misspelled words & general incorrectness-it is not a sign of my incompetence but of my auto-correct’s over-zealousness.

**the end**

I got an email response! She was very polite & eager to help. I get the feeling that she disregarded the humor in my email but at the same time didn’t take offense (hopefully). As a company should be, she was concerned enough about the problem to suggest sending me a paid envelope in order for me to send them the offending matchbook, along with any others I may have. That way they can look at them & determine what the issue is but she did say that I could be right & it seemed like the strike strip is the culprit. I felt they deserved an update because they’re making an effort to do the right thing, so they should get recognition for it…no matter how small the blog.

In related news, remember when I told the story about the Wright brand bacon? Well apparently they’re owned by Tyson, whom I received a letter from today. The pictures speak for themselves & serve as proof that if you have a legitimate issue, it just might be worth your time to tell ’em about it. Now that the coupon craze has died down & idiotspeople aren’t trying to just get free stuff all the time, maybe companies will be more willing to give out goodies to make up to consumers.

I was like "What the whaa?" (Because I wasn't aware Tyson owned Wright)

Their polite & professional response.
Woot woot! $8!! Free bacon, bitches!

Effin’ eBay.

EBay, eBay, eBay…sigh…

I used to enjoy it so much. I got into it at the beginning of it just starting to become popular & well known. I’ve seen all kinds of changes-some good & some not so good-over the years & I have lots of complaints (hey, we all know I’m a Negative Nelly) but I believe my two chief gripes would be
      *asshole sellers who either peddle their wares for quadruple what it’s worth or charge buyers exorbitant (yes, exorbitant) shipping & handling charges
      *rudeness. From sellers, from buyers, from potential buyers…I can NOT STAND rudeness, especially unwarranted rudeness.

      Allow me to explain….

I get bored so I often pop open my eBay app & search for random things. Lately I’ve rekindled my obsession with Marilyn Monroe (by reading a biography) so I figured I’d check out the Marilyn market on good ‘ole eBay. Long story short, I was appalled that there are people out there selling cheap crap with her name/image splashed across it, and let me tell you they’re not selling it cheap.

Like this. What the hell?!

Now I’m not an art expert, so I will gladly eat crow if the person responsible for this is in fact a famous Andy-Warhol-level artist….but I’ve never heard of her. This auction is so ridiculous I almost feel like it’s a joke. And, just so you can experience the full scope of this person’s ridiculousness, here is the link to her entertaining description.

Greed at it's finest.

I just have to laugh. My fingers itch to type out a smart assed email to these idiots. First off, let me share with you the fact that (surprise, surprise) this auction has NO bids. 0. Zero. Next, let me confirm for you that I own one of these (I’m on it now) & I paid $150 brand new, at Wal-Mart. This is just some greedy, useless scam artist…they actually hoped to find some poor sucker that would eagerly pay almost $300! But, you do get free shipping so it is kind of a good deal. *eye roll*

I realize I’m getting really long winded with this post so I’ll try to shorten it up. I don’t get the whole rudeness thing, on eBay or in real life, either one. Plenty of people have called me a bitch over the years, plenty of people have said I look grouchy/am grouchy however until you give me a reason not to be nice, I’m a nice person. Especially if you’re a stranger. I guess maybe I’m old fashioned but almost all of my emails begin with “Hello” (you know, like correspondence always used to?), end with “Thank you”, etc. I’m certainly not claiming to be perfect (although I pretty much am) but I was raised with manners & I use them, as well as pass them down to my kids. I received an email from a buyer complaining about not having received their item yet & they also opened a case against me (an eBay case, where you get a negative mark on your rating if eBay decides against you), all in the same 10 minutes. Maybe I was just in a foul mood but I felt like they could’ve been a little more decent & congenial about it…at least until they found out why it was late, ya know? Another long story short, it pissed me off so I immediately refunded their money along with an email stating my reasons (no way to the post office, no box to ship it in/waiting on USPS to bring more boxes, no internet access temporarily…if you must know), and the advice that maybe in the future they could try being a little nicer to people, at least until they heard back from them, as opposed to jumping to conclusions (like I took their $27 & had a spending spree with no intention to send them the item…for their information-and I told them this as well-that whopping $27 was on hold & inaccessible to me until 1/31/14 because I’m a new seller. So there, rude asshole.); I also shared one of my all time favorite southern sayings with them: You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

PS: I can’t help feeling that I got wayyy off topic….didn’t justify my points very well….and am probably in the wrong on that whole eBay-Paypal-late item thing….but, oh well.

What the shit happened to In Session????

I am beyond puzzled and more than a little pissed that In Session has been reduced from an all day buffet of true crime glory to TWO MOTHERFUCKING HOURS!!! What. The. Fuck.

Not the later mentioned newbie.

I am an avid In Session watcher (until 3pm when they start showing that dumb bullshit about people being so idiotic they are chased by the police & blow themselves up) and even when I can’t straight up watch it all day I’ll flip over there during commercials on the kids channels. I was tuning into the Jodi Arias trial until one day I went to TruTV and they’re playing some jenky, fake as all hell court show reminiscent of Judge Judy. No warning (that I ever caught anyway), no explanation, just BOOM…”we’re changing your whole TV routine so fuck you.” For a true crime aficionado such as myself this is a bunch of bullshit. I realize this all first took place on March 4th & I’ve been meaning to bitch about it for awhile now.

The cast of In Session are like distant friends that won’t answer my calls…Vinnie with his pink shirts & super white toothpaste commercial grin; Beth with her transvestite voice (but man is she a stickler for details!); Jean with her obvious niceness even when thrust into a heated court room; and the newbie black guy (unable to steal find a pic) that gets on my nerves with his whiny voice but hey, he’s part of the package. How am I supposed to keep in touch with them if I’m reduced to 2 hours a day?! It’s like a friggin’ prison!! How am I going to get all the nitty-gritty details of these cases without spending hours on Google digging them up myself? What was the reason for this??!? And is the alternative any better?? Are you happy now, enjoyment ruiners and show lineup decision makers?? Now we’re stuck watching this dumbass fake court room bullshit and I guarantee your daytime ratings will go down, if only from my secret armchair detective army refusing to watch. So there.

What are y’all’s thoughts?? Any In Session fans out there? Maybe I’m just an outdated hag. Hhmmm.

Update: I’m kind of pissed that I spent some time finding & stealing downloading pictures of Vinnie, Beth & Jean then put them in the post but now for some reason it’s giving me an error & refusing to put them in. I’m not blog savvy enough to figure it out. Plus I’m not on a computer. It’s probably a conspiracy because I’m being so vocal about my hatred of the new lineup.

Update #2~ So I’m obviously very bothered by this change. I mean, In Session was the last remnants of Court TV, which is where this truTV mess originated from to begin with. Does the phrase “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it!” not mean anything to these assholes?? Apparently not. I looked up contact info for Turner Broadcasting (owned by Time Warner), who made the decision to cut 3/4 of In Session. They don’t have an email (of course…that’d be too easy & why would they want to be accessible to the public they claim to care so much about anyway?) but I did jot down their address & phone number, in case anyone else is as irate as I am and wanted to let them know.
Turner Broadcasting, One CNN Center, Atlanta Georgia 30303; (404) 827-1700

I also visited truTV’s website & they do have an email contact option however you have to choose from a list of shows, which In Session was not included (fishy). So I selected “other shows” & am providing the link in case anyone besides myself would like to let them know how pissed off they are.

Tell those bastards how you feel, Armchair Detective Army!