My effing Husband.

Instant Disclaimer: I love my husband. I married him, after all. But as we all know even those we love get on our last nerve sometimes & we have to vent in order to maintenance our sanity. That’s all this is, a post venting about being highly annoyed; not plotting murder (that’s a different post entirely).

So, there’s a football game on today….Broncos vs. Patriots. My husband (henceforth known as “C” because I get tired of seeing husband everywhere because in my mind I hear “husthband” for some reason) decided quite some time ago that “his” team was the Broncos & of course his MVP is the man of the hour, Peyton Manning (I actually seriously honest-to-God believe he would instantly go gay if Peyton showed up & said “Hey good look-in!”. I do.). A quick background on our relationship: we’ve known each other since I was 16, he 15….we met while working at Hardee’s & pretty much dated on/off since, until we married in 2010….that totals 15 years now. He’s always been a “guys” guy & liked football, etc but he’s never been an avid game watcher or obsessive about it. Until the past year or two. I understand people change throughout their lives so I guess his fairly recent deep interest is due to that. It’s fine, a lot of guys are really in to football; I don’t mind giving up the tv because it gives me an excuse to read. None of that bothers me.

What does bother me is that watching football turns C into a f-r-e-a-k! I’ve seen the commercials/shows/etc where people at home get into the game & cheer, or boo, or clap, or complain, or what the hell ever. C, however, takes it to a whoooole new level. He screams. I mean screams. As though he were about to fight a mortal enemy over control of the universe. You can hear him-no exaggeration-in the damn driveway. He screams when it’s good & screams when it’s bad. It penetrates through closed bedroom doors, so that if other people are trying to do something else, they are still subjected to the screaming.
The clapping. I’m not talking regular appreciative clapping, like one night hear at a high school band concert. I’m talking two cymbals crashing kind of clapping! C has big hands, therefore he can create a big sound with them. It is very startling & makes me jump (I guess I’m an anxious person, though one would think I’d be the exact opposite by now because I should be used to it) every time, which annoys the piss out of me & just increases my overall anxiety.
The….seizures? I’m not sure what else to call them. “Fits” maybe. There are both good & bad fits however more bad usually. Fits are when he throws himself back (or forward), stomps/kicks his feet (yes like a 1 year old & yes I am serious), throws his arms out & about/waves them around…things like that. Occasionally he’ll spin around or something of that nature.

It’s loud. It’s startling. It’s annoying (for so many reasons). I don’t begrudge him enjoying the football game but damn, he acts like he’s there & required to be heard over thousands of people. Do other husbands react like this to football? Maybe I’m missing some super secret football code since I don’t watch it?

Who knows. Meanwhile, pass me those ear plugs & Xanax.

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